Is your lover a commitment phobe?

Two things struck me this week. One was a conversation with one of my girlfriends and the other thing we will talk about alittle bit later. Ok so my friend has been dating a her man for about four years and she wants a ring. The problem is he doesn't want to settle. It's not like he doesn't love her. He just doesn't want to commit. The first thing that came to mind was what was his childhood like? Then second question I had was, what was his dating life like  before you?


I asked this question because the love a  child recieves determines how you will love as an adult. I remember back in the day I used to tell my mama that "I never wanted to get married and never wanted children. At first she thought I was gay. Little did she know I was traumitized!


 I remember particularly, going over a close family friends house and the parents got into a major arguement. The arguement escalated into violence that night. I remember trying to restrain the parents. I was screaming, crying and everything I could to do to stop it, I tried it. Everytime we were over there fights like that would start.  I felt like I was walking on eggshell, so I would quietly stay in conner and not say anything. Instead of holding themselves accountable, they blamed the kids and everything else for their misbehavior. Never themselves though. I witness that domestic violence for about three years. It started when I was about twelve and in middle school.


You know middle school is the time for crushes and boyfriends. My experience with my first boyfriend wasn't the greatest. Also in middle school I witness a lot of my friends parents getting divorced. So I feel that my experience with relationships at an early age caused me to be scarred emotionally when it came to commitment. I dated a lot of great guys in high school but because I had a deep fear of commitment I never really gave my all in relationships. So boys were like toys you break them and move on. But there is hope for me.


I got to see the couple receive counseling and prayers. Right now as we speak they are fine and happily married. But they left me mentally and emotionally scarred. But I received my breakthrough by a church intervention. It was a young adult single convention at my church and one of the topic was marriage and commitment. I gathered courage to expressed all the traumatizing things I seen in marriage and spoke about it to the congregation. My church offered me counseling and prayers. Three years later I leave a open mind to the thought of marriage and I fear it no more.


So back to the second thing that struck me was, my pastor preached this week he said,"Some of us lost our innocence and need to go back to being virgins at love." I feel like some of us has been broken, so many times that we see no point to committing.


So if your lover is a commitment phobe, ask if there is anything traumatizing that happen in their childhood or do they have any fears?. Because if a man never seen his father in his life. If a girl sees her auntie get beat every night. How do you think your  lover knows how to express their  love, when their life has been so traumatic? Therefore they play out what they experienced in their childhood into their love life. My advice to these couples is to seek counseling and maybe prayers, like I did. So your burden will be light.


This heart felt blog was written by your girl Chinonso Nkwocha. It took a lot to put this out there.So if you like this blog like it, tweet it and share it.
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